Helpful Hints for Difficult Behaviors
Tracy L. Cash, LCSW, RPT
Sacred Mountain Healing Center, LLC
1.
Use Natural and Logical Consequences
Natural
consequence: Happens without parent intervention.
Example: Child goes outside in winter without a
coat, gets cold, then chooses to put on his jacket.
Parent need not intervene.
Logical
consequence: Parent intervenes with action directly related
the child's behavior.
Only one consequence per rule break. More than one becomes
punishment and therefore, shaming which creates a downward
spiral away from teaching toward low self-worth and more
behavior problems.
Example: Teacher has
children involved in a game. Child disrupts the game and needs
intervention. Logical Consequence: Child loses a turn. If he
chooses the behavior again, he sits out of the game until the
next activity. Start with the least restrictive.
2.
Stay out of Power Struggles
Intervene only when necessary. Carefully, mindfully choose
which situations to enforce. If the child often "wins"
power struggles, she is likely to engage you in future scenarios
and will not trust you to be a protective and guiding parent.
Step 1. Acknowledge the
child’s feeling.
Example: "You feel angry
because I said it was time to put your shoes on."
Step 2. Set the limit.
Example: "It’s time to put
your shoes on now."
Step 3. Suggest an
alternative.
Example: "You may bring that
with you while you put on your shoes."
If child continues with
unwanted behavior then:
#4. State the consequence.
Example: "If you choose to
continue with that toy, then you are choosing for the toy to be
put up for the rest of today." (Using the word "choose"
teaches the child to be accountable for his choices. Also,
the child will be less defensive, and more likely to comply, if
the item is removed rather than the child being removed.)
If child continues with
unwanted behavior then:
#5. Follow through.
Example: You chose to
continue with that toy, so you have chosen for it to be put away
for the rest of today (Put it out of sight and out of reach to
avoid tempting the child to test you. Set the child up for
success rather than failure!).
3.
Avoid rejecting the child. A feeling of rejection will likely
increase the unwanted behaviors.
*Rather than sending the
child out of the room, he loses a turn or sits out of the
activity. Remember.....natural and logical consequences.
*Use permissive, rather than
punishing words. Tell her what she CAN do rather than what she
can’t do.
*Using words which refer to
the child and yourself, as in the punishing example, sets up a
“me against you” feeling This can lead to the child
becoming defensive/aggressive/defiant.)
Permissive: "You can _______,
when you’ve done _________."
Punishing: "If you don’t
______, I’m going to _________."
Or: "You can tell him
you don't like that."
Instead of: "Don't
hit!"
Sacred
Mountain Healing Center,
LLC
