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Giving
Directions Effectively
Tracy L. Cash, LCSW, RPT
Sacred Mountain Healing Center, LLC
Consistently using the following steps when asking your child to
complete a task can increase cooperation from your child. This
will make your job as a parent a lot easier! Remember:
Be consistent. Children learn to manipulate inconsistent
parents.
1.
Get close to the child.
Many parents give
directions from across the room or from another room while
completing their own chores. This gives the message
that what you have to say has little value.
Instead, stop what you're
doing. Walk to the child and stand within 3-4 feet or
closer. This will help the child focus more closely on
what you have to say.
2.
Use a calm voice and facial expression.
Children are easily
frightened into tuning out shouting and angry voices.
Additionally, playful voices give the child power over the
parent for two reasons: (1) I've noticed parents using
playful coercion to avoid power struggles when children have
become difficult to manage (which indicates that the child
is in charge of interactions most of the time, including
this one because the parent is attempting to avoid a
particular reaction), and (2) The child will interpret the
playfulness as permission to choose.
Instead, use a calm, but
firm tone that clearly indicates that you are ready for the
child to listen to the important things you have to say.
This tone, and calm eyes, also indicates that you respect
the child's ability to listen and follow directions.
There is no need to require eye contact in many cases.
As long as you can tell that the child is hearing you,
continue speaking. If you are distracted by the child
playing, etc. then indicate that you would like the child to
stop because you are feeling distracted and you're not sure
if he/she is hearing you.
3.
Be specific with what you want the child to do.
Parents often ask
children to clean their rooms, make their beds, put dishes
away, etc. while assuming that the child understands exactly
what is being asked. Additionally, parents sometimes
believe a child is capable of completing tasks which are
actually above a child's developmental ability.
Instead, examine your
expectations and only ask a child to do what is within
his/her ability. Be willing to change your view about
what a child can do. Then, be very specific about your
expectations. When introducing a new chore, for
example, show the child what to use, how to use it,
and what you want it to look like when the job it finished.
Use words that the child understands. Then let the
child practice while you observe. Offer your
appreciation, encouragement and celebrate successes!
Allow time for learning and remembering all of the steps.
If the child consistently leaves out components of the job,
check in to see if your expectations are too high.
Motivation can be an issue here for many reasons. See
other parenting tips for ideas about this.
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Sacred
Mountain Healing Center,
LLC
