A New Look At “Time
Out”
Tracy L. Cash,
LCSW, RPT
Sacred Mountain Healing Center, LLC
What: “Time
out” is taking a break from a stressful situation.
Why: The purpose of taking a break is to
#1. Interrupt the
dangerous behavior that is occurring.
Remember: the
behavior is a sign that the child is experiencing big
feelings for a big reason.
#2. To give the child an
opportunity to become calm again–to learn self-
regulation.
The purpose is NOT to punish
or discipline. It is to maintain safety.
When: This step is the VERY LAST option AFTER
you’ve used ALL the other techniques in your tool box (bribery
and talking him/her into doing what you want are not effective
tools and should be trashed). It is best used when the child is
being aggressive rather than for other issues. “Aggressive”
primarily means repeatedly using one’s own body or other
items to hurt another.
Where: Chose a
place only a short distance away from others if possible. This
can be in the middle, or other side, of the same room. Avoid
rejecting the child by facing him/her in a corner, etc. Choose
the least restrictive option first.
How: 1. Notice your own reactions.
2. Calm yourself in
the knowing that the child is hurting.
3. Use a firm (not
harsh) tone of voice with normal volume.
4. The break starts
immediately and not when the child is quiet. It doesn’t
matter much what the child is doing as long as everyone is
safe. Just ignore (and help other children ignore by getting
them involved in another activity) whining, crying, screaming,
etc. until the time is up. It is recommended that the time be
limited to one minute per age of child (5 year old takes a break
for 5 minutes).
“You’re having such big
feelings right now. You can take a break over here for 5
minutes. I’ll be over here if you need me.”
“I know what to do to keep
you safe, so, you can take a break over here for 7 minutes.
You’ll hear the timer when your time is up.”
6. It is best to set a
timer. Timers are neutral and take you out of the equation
(to minimize power struggles–you defer to the timer) and both of
you can hear it.
7. When the time is up,
ask the child, “are you ready to play again?”. If the child
yells, “No” or something similar, simply state, “Ok. You’re
welcome to stay here until you’re ready.” The child then is
officially off of the enforced break, even if he/she chooses to
stay.
Sacred
Mountain Healing Center,
LLC
